Monday, May 13, 2013

On Mothers

So, here's a happy-late-mother's day post. After the day has past, I thought I'd put down a few thoughts. I feel like I learned a few things about mothers yesterday that have made the entire word have a different meaning, due to two experiences. 

1. Church. In the first meeting (sacrament meeting), we had several speakers, two of which were women who were not yet mothers, although most obviously wished to be. It was a sad thing to realize how many out there crave to have children of their own and yet are not able to do so.
I know I am young and inexperienced, so I try not to judge when women around me are so bitter for a lack of success in having children. But what I realized today sitting in church happened when the third woman got up to speak. She, unlike the others did not burden the congregation with her woes of infertility, but instead helped us better define a mother. A mother is not always the female biological parent, but involves much more. This woman shared that mothers are women who care for others, they are those who go out of their way to serve and protect: a friend who offers advice when needed, and who will always listen; people around you who create an environment that you feel safe and happy in. This woman taught the listeners that all of these characteristics contribute far more to motherhood than just simply the ability to become pregnant. Near the end of her talk, this woman became emotional when reading a quote by our current President, Thomas S. Monson. I will share another that gives a similar uplifting message by Spencer W. Kimball that was from a talk (https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1978/10/privileges-and-responsibilities-of-sisters) titled "Privileges and Responsibilities of Sisters," given in October of 1978. It reads, 

"Those of you who do not now experience the traditional women’s role, not by choice, but for reasons beyond control, can still do so much to help others. Your talents and time must not be misused simply because all of the preferred ways of sharing and giving are not open to you presently.

"Each of you should be grateful to be a woman! Self-pity is always a sad thing to see and especially when there is no justification for it. To be a righteous woman is a glorious thing in any age. To be a righteous woman during the winding up scenes on this earth, before the second coming of our Savior, is an especially noble calling. The righteous woman’s strength and influence today can be tenfold what it might be in more tranquil times. She has been placed here to help to enrich, to protect, and to guard the home—which is society’s basic and most noble institution. Other institutions in society may falter and even fail, but the righteous woman can help to save the home, which may be the last and only sanctuary some mortals know in the midst of storm and strife."

 So being a woman should not be about self pity, and those who cannot "experience the traditional women's role" because of reasons beyond their control should not despair, but realize that they still have much to offer. I sensed throughout the rest of this sacrament meeting that the difference between the first two speakers and the third was simply that the third woman chose to have an outward focus; her mission was to share about the majesty of motherhood, not to bring everyone into her personal grief. This act was probably difficult for her, and put her issues second to her mission. President Kimball goes on to discuss this attribute of selflessness in his talk. It reads:

"Selflessness is a key to happiness and effectiveness; it is precious and must be preserved as a virtue which guarantees so many other virtues. There are so many things in the world which reinforce our natural selfishness, and neither our men nor women should be partakers thereof. We have grown strong as a people because our mothers and our women have been so selfless. That ennobling quality must not be lost, even though some of the people of the world may try to persuade otherwise."

Wise words. 

 2. Family. Mine and my husband's parents live about 7 minutes apart in the same city. Naturally, every holiday is split in between the two families, making it difficult to please everyone with the time spent. But despite the siblings' displeasure at our split time with them, the mothers both were understanding and grateful. Mothers who portray the true meaning of their title (in my mind) are able to be grateful for any effort their child puts forth, even if it the result seems wanting. 

So to conclude, Mother's day isn't about what gift you got your mom, or how much she liked it, or if you were on time for dinner or not (although those things are nice). To me, Mother's day is about a celebration of relationships, and the attributes that make up a great mother that exist in all women. So whether it's the second Sunday in May, or just any old afternoon, go home and tell your lady (old or young) that you love her. Tell her thank you, and that you appreciate her. Because why shouldn't you? That lady gave you life.
So that's my two bits.  

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